I have been thinking lately about children and the ways that they are raised. Are kids generally the same as they have always been, or is something changing? Sure I have already covered the topic of commercialism, but I really think that it is more than just that. How is it that many children always have their hands out, and where does it start? I really haven't had that occur yet with my toddler, now 15 months old. He doesn't really have the concept that when you go to the shops their is a toy section and their are plenty of fun things to buy. Sure I get a very upset little toddler if I go to the pantry and do not produce a biscuit, although I do not think that this is overindulgence, but more learning about nutrition and boundaries. On many occasions I have gone to my step-sons on the weekend, told them I am going to the shops and ask them if they would like to join me. My response from the older one each and every time is "can I get a toy?" When I explain that I am going for x,y and z, and no we were not toy shopping today, he always decides not to come. When one of them gets something (anything in fact), there is a massive song and dance unless the other is provided for also. Just yesterday I heard form my youngest step-child about the fact that my toddler had a part of a broken biscuit, and they did not.
Of course the way that I write this I make these children sound like horrible little humans, they are not. They are really quite lovely and often thoughtful children, with an intense feeling of self-entitlement. But what I am wondering is, how are we raising this in our children. This is not just something my step-sons exhibit, I have seen it time and time again in children, it seems to be more of the rule than the exception. Is it the over-indulgence of their every desire? Is it the merchandising paradise that is Christmas?
I am a bit nervous. We have my step-children for Christmas this year. Although I am really looking forward to that, I am nervous that our 'event' will not measure up to the Christmas that they get at home, and hence, they will not want to be with us for Christmas again. Times like this tend to become a kind of tally of how many gifts and for whom. They tear through their presents in a frenzy wondering if that is it. Not savouring any of them really. My husband keeps encouraging me to do what we feel is right, that it will be fine. I know that at the end of the day they are going to enjoy what they are given, but will this be spoilt by their sense of entitlement? It is so easy to go a spend an extra $200 to fill up their piles of gifts with useless garbage that will break the first time they use it, but I don't want to do that either. I would rather have a limited number of well manufactured, ethically produced quality toys.
I don't write this post because I am better than all the parents of these entitled children, I just don't want my children to become one of them. What I find hardest however, is trying to balance my own parenting between my own children, and my step-children. However this dilemma is for another post.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Touching on Elimination communication
As with any aspect of parenting, there are a range of perspectives that map your path. Toilet training is but one of these journeys a parent is to travel. Elimination communication (EC) is but one method that deals with a child's toileting needs. It is also known as Infant pottying.
I first heard of EC when reading a parenting magazine. At this point I discarded it as some 'weird hippy thing'. The article focused on a family that practiced attachment parenting, eating the placenta, baby-wearing and co-sleeping. I think I was pregnant at the time, and the thought of any sort of parenting method out of main stream was a little overwhelming. It was not until my baby was 5 months old that I read about it again. In this second magazine it had a much fairer representation. It was not clustered with many other alternative parenting methods that could otherwise overwhelm a new mum. This article gave just a little bit of information that would act to inform mainstream readers of a different way to raise kids. From reading this article, I turned to my trusty computer to find out some more information.
EC can start any time from birth onwards, although it is said that a child has several 'sensitive' periods where they are more likely to catch on to the method. I first 'unnappied' my baby at around 5 months of age to get a feel for his toileting patterns. This does not mean that I decided to let my baby pee all over the place and clean the floor in place of a nappy. It was at this time that he got nappy free time, time to air out his privates in the heat of summer. It was not for about 2 weeks that he wee'd in the potty. I was ecstatic, beside myself and convinced that it was a coincidence. It was from this point that we started catching more and more wees in the potty. By far my favourite however, is when we catch his poos; the clean-up is so much easier!
I think the biggest criticism of EC is 'forcing the poor babies to sit on the potty until they go'. I can tell you that not only is this against the very principles of EC, but it is nigh on impossible to do anyway. There is absolutely no way to MAKE a baby go to the toilet. The key purpose and and method of EC is COMMUNICATION, that is the communication to and by a baby about his or hers elimination needs.
To start off with it has a lot to do with in-tune parents and care-givers recognising and responding to a baby's sign of discomfort before they need to eliminate. Have you ever noticed how often very little babies wee as soon as their nappy is removed? This is their instinct before they are nappy trained. Once the carer has recognised the need to eliminate, they then offer an opportunity to eliminate (somewhere other than in a nappy). Many carers make a particular sound that the baby then recognises as an opportunity to eliminate. We used a 'sss' sound. Now this is not to say that the child will not still soil their nappy, it depends on the age of the child, the temperament of the child, the family environment etc. Some people go nappy free from birth, some are part-time nappy free.
It is a well known 'fact' that children are unable to control their elimination until well into their toddler years. I can tell you right now, babies can and do control their elimination to some extent. Our EC journey is very much swings and round-abouts. Sometimes we can go a day or two without nappies, others we don't have a single catch. The highlights for me are having my son respond to my communication, or initiate a communication from which I may respond. These may vary from wiggling in his high-chair, to passing me his potty, to an "oh ohhh" to refusing to let me put on a nappy when he needs to use the potty. I also enjoy the ease of cleaning a tiny bottom that has used a toilet to one that has squished a poo in a nappy.
No matter how you feel on this, or any other particular issue of parenting, I think it is valuable to understand differences between families and cultures. I know that the relationship that I have with my son is richer because of the interactions we have had over the toilet and potty.
I first heard of EC when reading a parenting magazine. At this point I discarded it as some 'weird hippy thing'. The article focused on a family that practiced attachment parenting, eating the placenta, baby-wearing and co-sleeping. I think I was pregnant at the time, and the thought of any sort of parenting method out of main stream was a little overwhelming. It was not until my baby was 5 months old that I read about it again. In this second magazine it had a much fairer representation. It was not clustered with many other alternative parenting methods that could otherwise overwhelm a new mum. This article gave just a little bit of information that would act to inform mainstream readers of a different way to raise kids. From reading this article, I turned to my trusty computer to find out some more information.
EC can start any time from birth onwards, although it is said that a child has several 'sensitive' periods where they are more likely to catch on to the method. I first 'unnappied' my baby at around 5 months of age to get a feel for his toileting patterns. This does not mean that I decided to let my baby pee all over the place and clean the floor in place of a nappy. It was at this time that he got nappy free time, time to air out his privates in the heat of summer. It was not for about 2 weeks that he wee'd in the potty. I was ecstatic, beside myself and convinced that it was a coincidence. It was from this point that we started catching more and more wees in the potty. By far my favourite however, is when we catch his poos; the clean-up is so much easier!
I think the biggest criticism of EC is 'forcing the poor babies to sit on the potty until they go'. I can tell you that not only is this against the very principles of EC, but it is nigh on impossible to do anyway. There is absolutely no way to MAKE a baby go to the toilet. The key purpose and and method of EC is COMMUNICATION, that is the communication to and by a baby about his or hers elimination needs.
To start off with it has a lot to do with in-tune parents and care-givers recognising and responding to a baby's sign of discomfort before they need to eliminate. Have you ever noticed how often very little babies wee as soon as their nappy is removed? This is their instinct before they are nappy trained. Once the carer has recognised the need to eliminate, they then offer an opportunity to eliminate (somewhere other than in a nappy). Many carers make a particular sound that the baby then recognises as an opportunity to eliminate. We used a 'sss' sound. Now this is not to say that the child will not still soil their nappy, it depends on the age of the child, the temperament of the child, the family environment etc. Some people go nappy free from birth, some are part-time nappy free.
It is a well known 'fact' that children are unable to control their elimination until well into their toddler years. I can tell you right now, babies can and do control their elimination to some extent. Our EC journey is very much swings and round-abouts. Sometimes we can go a day or two without nappies, others we don't have a single catch. The highlights for me are having my son respond to my communication, or initiate a communication from which I may respond. These may vary from wiggling in his high-chair, to passing me his potty, to an "oh ohhh" to refusing to let me put on a nappy when he needs to use the potty. I also enjoy the ease of cleaning a tiny bottom that has used a toilet to one that has squished a poo in a nappy.
No matter how you feel on this, or any other particular issue of parenting, I think it is valuable to understand differences between families and cultures. I know that the relationship that I have with my son is richer because of the interactions we have had over the toilet and potty.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Commercialisation of children.
I watched a documentary on the ABC a couple of weeks ago about the commercialisation of children. I mean we all know that it happens; just look at the novelty meal you get with your toy at many fast food outlets. The 'need it now' attitude is being woven through every aspect of our society, even beginning before birth. This documentary explored how scientists are using their knowledge to anayse our children to work out the best ways of manipulating them. They even put toddlers into MRI's to see what stimulus produces brain activity. Scientists watch our children watching TV, and as soon as they start to blink, they change what they are watching. I find this disturbing. So often over-indulgence and misbehaviour is thrown away as a parents inability to say no or control their children. But who is really controlling our children? Maybe these isolated sects have the right idea - well at least in as far as preventing commercialism from programming their children.
My own little boy is now 14 moths old. I have long held ideas about how I would like to raise my children. Of course it is so easy to say that up until he time that you actually have them. I still hold those beliefs and values, but that is much harder to stand by as you weave them into a larger society. He has two half-brothers and a cousin that are heavily commercialised. I can't plea innocence on this front though, I too am guilty of bowing to the pressure of Wiggles. but how much is too much? One child that I know right from toddlerdom was surrounded by Wiggles merchandise. Sure I can see the entertainment value; but where did it start. Did it start from the child staring at the tv when the Wiggles happened to be on, was he at a friends house, was a DVD purchased for him? After he did show an interest, what next? Did he continue to request only Wiggles stuff, or did someone notice that he liked them, and for the next 2 years every gift or item of clothing was Wiggles labelled?
My boy has this toy that he was given after another child no longer used it. It is a hokey pokey Elmo. You know the full size Elmo that sings and dances. He adores this Elmo, mummy does at times too. Thanks to Elmo, my son is not running around naked, as he sits and does the hokey pokey with Elmo as I dress him. He was also incidentally given an Elmo bath toy for his birthday. He has still not made this link between these two, but yesterday the game changed. He was sitting on my lap as I was flicking through a Best and Less catalogue. As I reached the women's pyjama page, he was pointing enthusiastically at one of the tops. He had spotted Elmo.
I have not as yet turned the television on for him. He has been exposed to a few children's movies in the company of his brothers, but has not really paid any attention to it. Although I am sure that the time will come where I do switch on the box for him, I'd really like to delay that moment for as long as possible.
My own little boy is now 14 moths old. I have long held ideas about how I would like to raise my children. Of course it is so easy to say that up until he time that you actually have them. I still hold those beliefs and values, but that is much harder to stand by as you weave them into a larger society. He has two half-brothers and a cousin that are heavily commercialised. I can't plea innocence on this front though, I too am guilty of bowing to the pressure of Wiggles. but how much is too much? One child that I know right from toddlerdom was surrounded by Wiggles merchandise. Sure I can see the entertainment value; but where did it start. Did it start from the child staring at the tv when the Wiggles happened to be on, was he at a friends house, was a DVD purchased for him? After he did show an interest, what next? Did he continue to request only Wiggles stuff, or did someone notice that he liked them, and for the next 2 years every gift or item of clothing was Wiggles labelled?
My boy has this toy that he was given after another child no longer used it. It is a hokey pokey Elmo. You know the full size Elmo that sings and dances. He adores this Elmo, mummy does at times too. Thanks to Elmo, my son is not running around naked, as he sits and does the hokey pokey with Elmo as I dress him. He was also incidentally given an Elmo bath toy for his birthday. He has still not made this link between these two, but yesterday the game changed. He was sitting on my lap as I was flicking through a Best and Less catalogue. As I reached the women's pyjama page, he was pointing enthusiastically at one of the tops. He had spotted Elmo.
I have not as yet turned the television on for him. He has been exposed to a few children's movies in the company of his brothers, but has not really paid any attention to it. Although I am sure that the time will come where I do switch on the box for him, I'd really like to delay that moment for as long as possible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)