The Darkest hour

I went to my friend's baby's funeral yesterday. It was as you would expect, a lot of really overwhelmed and sad people, trying to withhold their grief. There were a lot of pairs of sunglasses being worn, a lot of men looking to the roof, wishing away their tears. It was a beautiful service. Bubbles being blown as the baby and her family entered the chapel. There were certain elements of the service that made it harder for one to contain their emotion. The overwhelming flow of pink in the audience, the bubbles, the butterflies and that little angel teddy bear that one of the grief stricken friends brought along. I particularly struggled as a lullaby was played. I know it well, how many times I have tried to rock my own little angel to sleep to that very tune. The chaplain did a wonderful job. He was clearly affected by this child's passing, but even as a non-religious person myself, I was moved by his words. We all stopped at one point to pray for the god-parents of this child, who could not make it whilst waiting for the imminent birth of their own child. Amazing strength that was shown by family and friends who shared their memories and poems with us. Daddy stepped up to talk about his little princess.

I was fortunate enough to be thought of as a close friend, and invited to the private gathering at the family home. There were a lot of family and close friends there. It was there that I took the first step towards getting to know this little girl. Photo walls had been carefully created to share the wonderful but short life of this little girl. This family, in their darkest hour, could mingle and laugh about stories of their child lost. Even think enough to ask to see photos of my own son. It is this strength that carries me forward in appreciation of every breath I take. As I look into my own child's eyes, I take him in as if it will be the last time. Cherishing the moment.

I find it amazing that such a small child could make such a massive impact on the world. I only had the pleasure of meeting this little princess once. I think that explains my grief. I will never get the chance to truly know this precious child. It is a part of this special family that I cannot now share and understand. I hope in time, they will be able to share their baby with me. I enjoyed watching her brother and sister grow and develop until life took hold, and made us all too busy. I have decided though, that is enough of the too busy stuff. Yes relationships are a two way thing, but they are also too important to let them slide simply because life takes over. I have decided to reconnect with all these friends that I have lost contact with simply because we got too busy. I want to make any future cessation of a relationship a choice rather than a by-product.